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The Myth of the 50-50 Relationship

I like to think I am capable of dealing with most things. I have resource file three inches thick. I have the personal cell phone numbers of people ranging from politicians to entertainers. I know an expert in just about any field. I also think generally speaking, I am pretty emotionally stable and can weather whatever comes my way, with one exception.

I have no coping mechanism for dealing with the illness, injury, or suffering of my beloved best friend Mozart the Pug. When I say no coping mechanism, I mean NONE. I came face to face with that glaring deficiency in my ability to function this week, as Mozart is sick and I am seriously unable to function well, or at all, in my world.

Last night I was laying in bed, trying desperately to hold back the tears and I said to my husband, "I don't know where my coping mechanisms have gone."

David sweetly stroked my hair and replied, "Your coping mechanism is laying right beside you right now." That said, he was right. David is the only part of me that is functioning well this week. He is my brain, my banker, my common sense, and my comfort. He is my rock. To put it lightly, David is pulling way more than his share of the weight in our relationship this week. To be honest, he's pulled more then his share many times before. I like to think occasionally I do the same for him.

The notion that relationships are 50/50 is complete crap. This week in my relationship David is doing 110% and I am at way less then 0. Hopefully I rebound a little in the next few days. If I don't, it'll be OK, because eventually I will. The best I can really hope for is that over the course of time things balance out. Anyone who's been in relationship for any length of time knows this.

My brilliant husband said to me very early on in our relationship that love is a verb. It's in the doing. He proves that to me over and over again. Sometimes the doing isn't easy, but it still comes naturally through love. So, I guess the moral of the story is simple. If you are in relationship, and you plan to keep that going, plan to do all the work sometimes, 100% of it. But the beauty of that is when the day comes that all your coping mechanisms fail, if you are loved well, know that chances are very high, your coping mechanism might be standing, or laying right next you to.